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London Boulevard is a crackingly written, taut and well-characterised crime yarn of the kind Americans do better than us. That’s the novel, by Ken Bruen, available from the Do-Not Press. The film, adapted and directed by Oscar-winning Departed scribe William Monahan, makes a number of damaging changes. The oddest is rewriting the role of Charlotte, an over-the-hill screen diva whose Norma Desmond-ish qualities, signalled in the title, might have suited Helen Mirren or Charlotte Rampling, into an apt role for... Keira Knightley? There’s not much chemistry between Knightley and Colin Farrell, who’s been good lately, but does a disappointingly noncommittal job as Mitchell, a freshly-paroled con up to his neck in reasons he can’t go straight.
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The King's Speech
British films that make it to American screens these days often fall into two distinct niches: life is miserable and life is sweet (to borrow a title from the director Mike Leigh, who oscillates between the two). Given its quality headliners and high commercial profile (ding-dong, is that Oscar calling?), it’s no surprise that “The King’s Speech,” a buddy story about aggressively charming opposites — Colin Firth as the stutterer who would be king and Geoffrey Rush as the speech therapist — comes with heaping spoonfuls of sugar.
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Cannes Film Festival juries may have made some wobbly decisions over the years, but giving Javier Bardem the Best Actor award for his career-best turn as a backstreet Barcelona operator confronting a sea of troubles while doing his best for his kids isn’t one of them.
It sounds like a can't-miss concept: a Disney movie about a guy who tells wonderful, fantastic bedtime stories that actually come true in real life. And when the guy is Adam Sandler, how can this possibly be a bad movie? Aren't you buying tickets online for your entire family right now, even as you read about this possible cinematic land of delights? Except that watching Bedtime Stories is about as delightful as peeking into your Christmas stocking and finding it empty except for a few lint-covered peppermints.
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The most common retort one gets when talking negatively of a film clearly intended to be consumed with a tub of popcorn and a brain switch in the off position is "Why can't you just enjoy the movie?" And I get that. I am the kind of viewer who can absolutely just sit back and let sights and sounds wash over them. But what some fail to understand is that even with the brain turned off, even with disbelief firmly suspended, some movies stink so ferociously that the stench wafts off of the screen, snapping even the most resistant critic to full alertness like a slap in the face by a glove spiked with smelling salts.
Films dealing with catastrophe are a Hollywood specialty. One director, Ronald Emmirich, has even made it his business to destroy the world with newer natural calamities in his films. That a British film can match this effects extravaganza yet is wishful thinking.
The British film ‘Flood’ fails in every department.
A storm at sea coincides with high tide and leads to water rushing up the Thames, flooding most of London. When millions of lives are threatened, you can guess where cliched cinema will rush to – a madcap professor, Leonard Morrison, with all the right calculations and answers at the right time, a man who has pursued science at the cost of a disgruntled family.
Bottom Line: Bad things happen to good people in this intermittently effective chiller.
When a young couple decides to leap off the beaten path to explore nature in all its rugged extremes, you know they are heading for the vacation from hell.
This formula has been reworked in such films as "A Perfect Getaway" and "Breakdown." In "The Canyon," a so-so variation on a familiar theme, a pair of honeymooners are traveling by mule through the Grand Canyon when disaster strikes. This potboiler has some thrills, but it will not make much of a splash at the boxoffice.
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Last November, Warner Bros. released Fred Claus, a Christmas-set comedy pairing up lead Vince Vaughn with Rachel Weisz.
This November, New Line released Four Christmases, a Christmas-set comedy pairing up lead Vince Vaughn with Reese Witherspoon.
Mere coincidence, you might ask, despite the fact that New Line is owned by Warner Brothers, not to mention the shared initials of both the titles and the actresses playing the love interests? Perhaps, but happenstance loses my vote when the best one can say for Four Christmases is that it's a marginally better holiday romp than the likes of Fred Claus.
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There's a lot in "Shadowheart" we've seen before, a standard Old West revenge tale peppered with haunted heroes, friendly natives, and a lawless town. It's an impressive production, considering its low budget, and although there are plenty of shaky moments throughout, its script is clever enough to make the story's familiarity endearing, not stale. It's a rough but admirable work, an obvious labor of love by and for fans of the genre.
Tales of an Ancient Empire
Are you ready to see some shit? I mean some really, really bad movie shit? You know you want to. I know how much you guys appreciate a trailer for a crappy movie — it’s the main reason I don’t hate you all. OK, that’s not true. I do hate you all. But that’s not the point. SHUT UP AND STOP INTERRUPTING.
Here’s the trailer for Tales of an Ancient Empire. It’s one of the weirder trailers I’ve seen. It’s got nudity (NSFW!). And vampires! And… Medieval weaponry? And lots of really shitty CGI. And an absolute murderer’s row of terrible actors, including Kevin Sorbo (Hercules!), Oliver Gruner (holy shit! He lives! The star of Nemesis is still alive and getting work!), Christopher Lambert and His Amazing Impenetrable Accent, and Melissa Ordway, who was in… um… you know… did I mention Kevin Sorbo?!
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Since the beginning of time, heaven and hell have fought over purgatory and the souls trapped inside it. Each side has sent seven warriors: Archangels from heaven, Fallen angels from hell. They must assume human form to enter purgatory. Hell has attained control, transforming purgatory into a dark, seedy city. The last Archangel, Gabriel (Andy Whitfield), endeavours to discover what has become of his comrades and to restore the Light.
Natasha Martin (Nadia Bjorlin) is a beautiful auto mechanic and aspiring musician who is invited to join music producer Infamous (Eddie Griffin) aboard his private jet en route to Las Vegas in appreciation of her services on his Ford GT. She is also a highly-skilled race car driver, but is sometimes haunted by memories of her father's death at a NASCAR race many years ago. Meanwhile, on another side of town, Carlo (Nathan Phillips) has just returned from a tour of duty in Iraq. He meets up with his brother Jason (Jesse Johnson) before heading to Vegas themselves. Carlo is not happy that Jason is living with their mob boss uncle Michael D'Orazio (Angus Macfadyen), whom he always sees as the cause of their family's destruction. Little do they know that Michael has been running an unsuccessful counterfeiting ring and owes another crime organization millions of dollars.
Attack the Block
In Lambeth, nurse Sam (Jodie Whittaker) is mugged by a gang of teenagers: Pest (Alex Esmail), Dennis (Franz Drameh), Jerome (Leeon Jones), Biggz (Simon Howard) and leader Moses (John Boyega). However, something crashes from the sky into a nearby parked car. Sam uses the confusion to run away. Moses tells the gang to "allow it"; instead he wants to see if there is anything to steal from the car. When he approaches it he is attacked and wounded on his face by a creature, which he kills with the help of the others. Realising that it is something rare, they hope to gain a profit from it and go to drug dealer Ron (Nick Frost) for advice.
Ron and Brewis (Luke Treadaway), a young zoologist who had come to buy marijuana, agree that it is a strange creature. Moses asks the owner of the flat, and Ron's boss, gangster Hi-Hatz (Jumayn Hunter), if they can keep it in the "weed room", as it is the safest place in the block. He agrees, if Moses, who sells weed for him, starts selling cocaine too, which Moses accepts.
More creatures come down from space, and the boys each go to their home to collect machetes, softball bats, swords, switchblades and fireworks. Their parents are not told anything. Dennis is told by his father to take the dog. Two young kids, calling themselves Probs and Mayhem, also go to the crash site, eager to prove how tough they are.
The new aliens are bigger with huge claws and light-emitting teeth. They kill the dog, and the boys flee, but the police catch Moses while the others hide and watch. Sam, in the police van, confirms that Moses was the mugger, but two aliens kill the policemen, and attack the van. The others chase the aliens away with a large firework, and Dennis approaches and lets Moses out of the holding cell in the back; Sam enters it to protect herself from both the aliens and the gang. The three are attacked again but manage to drive off in the van. However, they crash into Hi-Hatz' car. Hatz is enraged. As Sam runs off, the other gang members catch up to Moses and Dennis, just as Hi-Hatz pulls a gun out. Hatz does not believe their story about aliens, until they spot one. Hatz forces his henchman to check it out, but the henchman is then killed by the alien, which Hatz kills with his pistol, as the gang run off.
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After the events with Deacon Frost, Blade (Snipes) continues to destroy as many vampires as he can. A new breed of super-vampire has appeared, which becomes an even greater threat than any evil currently out there. A group of high powered vampires, led by Nyssa (Varela) and Asad (John-Jules) request help from Blade in order to take down Nomak (Goss). Can Blade work alongside the very things he vowed to destroy?
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Teaching Mrs. Tingle
All her life, Leigh Ann Watson has done the right things. But when she doesnt get an A in her history class which will make her Valedictorian, she immediately blames Mrs. Tingle. Mrs. Tingle is the most cruel teacher in all of Grandsboro High. While Leigh Ann and her friends Luke and Jo Lynn are in the gym, Luke pulls out Tingles final test to cheat off of. Leigh Ann is about to give it back when Mrs. Tingle walks in. She threatens to report Leigh Ann when the principal returns back to school the next day. Unfortunately, Leigh Ann is not going to let this happen and shows up with her friends by her side to confront Mrs. Tingle. Its not possible so just when things couldnt get worse, they drag her upstairs and tie her to her bed. Now, they have forty-eight hours to get Mrs. Tingle to compromise. But, will Tingle give in or have a little fun first?
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